Moment By Moment
by HanaPon
Summary: Due to one little action, the lives of many are affected. Rukia's husband Renji is now dead, and Ichigo's wife Orihime has been left in a coma due to the accident several months ago. Will Rukia ever forgive Ichigo? And can their pain bring them together?
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Writing fics again after several years, I hope my previous fans enjoy my new writing style. Enjoy Moment by Moment.

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><p>"<em>How could you? How?" screamed a small woman.<em>

_Ichigo stood frozen, staring at the blood covered corpse in her arms._

"_He was my everything, and you took it all away!" she shrieked. Ichigo gaped in breathlessness, gripping his hand against the crumpled up car door._

"_Don't act like you're the only one suffering! She's dead too! My only love is dead too! Yet you want me to feel the pain and regret all on my own? Give me a break! He is just at fault as I am!" he said, pointing a shaking finger at the dead red-head in her arms. Tears were already billowing out of her eyes as she sobbed like a child, unable to contain the pain any longer of losing her husband. Ichigo merely took several steps back, feeling nothing but anger, sorrow, pain and contempt. He was kidding himself. It wasn't that man's fault. The woman was right. If he hadn't been distracted by his wife standing at the corner he wouldn't have run the red light. He wouldn't have crashed and hit the man in the oncoming car. He wouldn't have spun out._

_She wouldn't have died._

_He only sank to his knees as he desperately clung to the earth as he also let out an ear-piercing wail of agony._

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><p>Ichigo woke with a start, cold sweat dripping from his forehead and neck as his vision focused.<p>

The hospital.

He gulped up a few breaths before looking to see his wife in the hospital bed beside him, her lustrous long orange honey blossom hair now gone from having been shaved off. He let out a sigh.

Another nightmare.

He glanced at the unconscious body beside him. Two months after the accident and she was still a coma. Yet he was just thankful she hadn't died like he thought she had that day. As long as she was breathing, as long as she still had a pulse, there was hope.

Suddenly a light knock deterred Ichigo's attention to the door. He blinked. A visitor? He couldn't think of anyone who wasn't busy to visit the two of them at the moment, and it was most definitely none of Orihime's family. Warily, Ichigo spoke with a dry voice, "Come in."

The door swished open with barely any audible sound as a small petite woman with raven black hair and amethyst eyes walked in. She looked as though she either hadn't slept for quiet a while or had been crying for ages, maybe even both. Ichigo, however, was stunned to see her of all people. He blinked. "What…? Why are you here?" he asked in a shocked manner. The woman sighed.

"I came to apologize." she finally said after a few awkward moments of silence. Ichigo, still, was stunned. A thousand different thoughts were buzzing through his head already, now add the victim of his own foolishness in and he was just having a ball. He looked down at the ground and fiddled with his fingers, processing how to form thoughts to words, and words into his voice.

"But… there's no reason to apologize. I…" he paused. "The whole incident was my fault, really. You don't need to apologize to me." he said. Yes, he had felt the guilt of the accident every night in the form of night terrors. What made it worse though, was that he woke up each time, alone and in pain, without the light of his life there to comfort him, stroke his hair, and whisper sweet nothings in his ears. The woman shook her head.

"No, my husband was drunk and going way too fast anyway. I should have driven and not let him, then maybe I could have reacted to you and stopped, but… I couldn't say no to him. Renji was always my only weakness…" she said, almost reminiscing of fond memories. She seemed to be lost in thought, just as Ichigo had before as well. She must have been just as conflicted as him, she reacted just as slowly as Ichigo in her replies, and acted as though she were trying to keep herself from thinking of happier times. She acted as though she had to keep thinking of his death to remind her that she will never be happy again. Ichigo continued to stare at the floor with somber eyes, wondering what he could say. He didn't want to blame the woman nor her husband, he had accepted long ago that her husbands death was due to his own stupidity, and he was unable to forgive himself for taking another's life, even though he never meant to.

"Still… I'm truly sorry for your loss. If I could change the course of events, I'd gladly take his place." he finally said with a long drawn out sigh. He would have rather been the one to die so this perfectly innocent bystander would still have the love of her husband to get her through each day. He knew Orihime well, and that even if she were to suffer from his death, she would eventually be strong enough to lift her head high. After all, she lost her own brother, but managed to pick herself up and continue walking life's road despite the loss. Orihime was strong. She wouldn't let Ichigo's own death get her down. She knew he wouldn't want her to suffer. After her own pause of thought processing, the female only chuckled pathetically.

"It's fine… but… thank you. I'm sorry as well. I didn't like the way I left things during the accident." she said as though the words and memory left a bitter taste in her mouth. As though admitting her mistakes was painful. Ichigo shook his head.

"I don't blame you. All either one of us could do was feel angry. But, thank you. Truly. Thank you Miss…" he paused. "Now that I think about it, I never got your name. What was it…?" he asked, looking up at her. The other gave a pitiful chuckle, looking almost sheepish as her eyes made contact with his.

"Rukia Abarai. Or, now that I'm a widow, Kuchiki. Rukia Kuchiki." Ichigo gave a weak smile.

"Ichigo Kurosaki." he replied, reaching out his hand to shake hers. Rukia slowly reached out and took his much larger hand and shook it gently, barely gripping his hand at all. Several moments passed as they continued to shake their hands, neither one wanting to be the first to let go out of the awkward feelings that would follow. Finally, Rukia stopped, but didn't let go. Her hand began to shiver as Ichigo looked at her face to find her lowered head dripping with tears. Rukia cried silently for several moments before Ichigo placed a re-assuring yet uncomfortably awkward hand onto hers before she finally let out a loud sob, her other hand covering her face in a pathetic fashion. Ichigo merely sat there with Rukia's hand sandwiched between his, frowning and resisting the urge to cry himself.

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><p><strong><em>AN:_** Such a short prologue, but I didn't want to to be extremely lengthy. I wanted to write just enough to leave an impact and make the readers want to know the full story and what happens next. I hope I was able to elicit some feelings of any kind from readers out there. That's one of my top priorities when writing, is to really make my audience FEEL. Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you have something to say! : Critique is welcome, as long as it's not full out rude and inconsiderate. I can tell if a review is constructive or not.


	2. Breakdown

A.N: Sorry for the slow update, things were getting hectic. I'm also working diligently on a different fic based on a roleplay on tumblr. The idea when I read it sounds terrible, but everyone on tumblr seems to be enjoying it as I write. So I will mostly likely be posting on here. More on that later. For now enjoy the official first chapter.

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><p>Ichigo stood over the silent grave, looking down with greater remorse in his eyes than one could understand. The flowers in his arms ruffled in the cold wind that blew as though a chilling reminder that Ichigo had sinned, and killed another. Despite his urge and maybe even need to cry, however, he did not. He knew if he cried over this man's life again he wouldn't have the strength to feel optimistic for his wife's life. But how could he not cry? He took a woman's husband away, while he and his wife still lived. Granted, his wife's life was not much of a life, but her heart still beat in her chest, as well as his own.<p>

Ichigo bent down and placed the flowers on the grave, staying knelt down as he stared at the tombstone's lettering. Reaching out, he felt the icy stone's engraved words:

"Renji Abari. Loving husband, beloved son, and cherished friend."

Ichigo bit his lip as he curled his fingers back together to form a fist, hitting the tombstone pathetically as he looked down, finally crying. He couldn't bear it, not this pain, not this burden. His other hand braced himself against the tombstone, leaning against it as he sobbed, like a child, his guilt succumbing him to a darkness he never thought he'd be able to return from. How could he ever atone for his mistakes? How could he have let himself be so lovesick and dumb as to stare at his wife waving from the street corner where they were to meet and not see the oncoming car? Why, why had fate given him this terrible guilt that would plague his every movement and every thought? He continued to wail in pain, shaking from his sobbing.

"Kurosaki-san!" cried out and alarmed voice. He didn't have the strength to look up, nor the strength to move. He didn't have the strength to look at the wife of the man he killed.

"Stop it! Please! Get up! Stop acting like this!" Rukia pleaded, reaching for his arm to lift him back up on his feet. "I told you there's no use in crying! There's nothing you can do! What's done is done! I've already _forgiven you!"_ she yelled, trying to snap him back to reality.

But there was no other reality to return to, only the fact that he killed this man.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… _I'm so sorry_…" he sobbed quietly, falling back onto his bottom as he grasped his head, covering his pathetic tear soaked face. Rukia looked at him in pity, in sadness. This man was breaking apart, dying from the inside out. How could she ever convince this man that it was alright?

Rukia's turmoil had not lasted long. She knew that there was no point in weeping forever. She had come to terms with the idea of being a widow. She knew Renji would not want her to continue to weep for him day after day. Frankly, though, she could not be mad at this poor man, His wife suffered silently, while her husband merely died on impact. He had to deal with the idea that his wife was living, yet really not living at all. She couldn't imagine the inner turmoil he felt, the utter hopelessness. She couldn't be mad at him, she couldn't add to his burden any more. She wanted to help him, and lift him from the darkness until his wife gained consciousness.

If she ever did.

"Kurosaki-san! Please, pull yourself together!" she begged, shaking him. Nothing was affecting him as all he did was grip his head and sob the words, 'I'm sorry.' She sat there, staring at him in utter helplessness. She could do nothing. He wasn't responding to anything she said or did. Was he that far gone into his own darkness that he had lost all perception of the world around him? Finally, Rukia's face grew angry as she finally yelled out, "What would your wife say if she saw you in such a state?"

Ichigo froze, becoming utterly silent within seconds. His head shot up as he stared in bewilderment and utter horror at nothing but the air in front of him.

Of course. What would Orihime think? How would she react? She would hate to see him in such a state. She would encourage him to stay chipper and happy, even if it was hard. She wouldn't let him be down. She wouldn't let him cry. She would do all she could to comfort him.

Ichigo finally looked over at the raven haired woman, still staring in shock as his tears still fell.

"You're right…" he finally choked out after several moments of silence. "She wouldn't want me to be like this. She would hate to see me like this… I… I'm sorry. I was just… I'm sorry…" he said, finally coming to his senses, yet struggling to grasp the real world again after having fallen into his own world so deeply. Rukia looked at him with sad eyes, feeling pity and remorse for him, and shame for seeing him like this and not having been able to do any more than this to help him. She stood up and held out her hand, hoping he'd be able to stand. Ichigo took it numbly, yet didn't rise for several moments. Finally, he rose to his knees slowly, as though being pulled like a marionette. Before he could continue moving, however, he froze, looking down as though in shame.

"_I'm a pathetic human being…" _he uttered in what sounded like frustration, almost hating himself for acting like such a child.

Rukia looked at him sadly once again, her eyes moist from seeing his pain. Why would she cry for him though? But it was too unbearable to see this grown man look as such, falling apart everywhere, crumbling to dust and disappearing. She took her other hand that wasn't in his and bent down to hold his face in her arms, pulling him close to her chest in a comforting fashion. She tilted her head down to whisper into his ear: "You're not pathetic. You're just a man. Only a man. This doesn't make you worth anything less than you are. Don't loose yourself because of this. What will be will be… You must stay strong for your wife and lend your strength to help her with a speedy recovery. You must… for her sake, Kurosaki-san. You _must_ stay strong for _her sake."_ she whispered gently. Despite her own strength, her voice wavered in his ear as she shed tears of her own, knowing full well she was also saying this to herself. That she must be strong, she must not waver, She mustn't appear weak in front of this man. Yet she too, was crumbling, and wasting away in the piercing loneliness. Ichigo reached up and gripped the arm wrapped around his face tightly as he choked back a sob, his tears once again falling as he turned his face into her arm, hiding his shame once again from the entire world except for this lone woman. She remained silent as she cried with him, the two feeble humans clinging to one another desperately as both their pain emanated from their shaking bodies, having nothing but the others sympathy and understanding to keep them going.

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><p>AN: Sorry the chapter was so short. This story is so emotional, I'm having trouble writing more than a couple pages. However, I don't think they really need to be much longer than this. I'll try to keep updating, I had been busy the last couple weeks trying to find a job to no avail. But I will continue to strive and find one! Thanks to the people who sent in reviews last time, I appreciated them highly, and enjoyed all your words. I would appreciate your continued support through this story. Until next time.


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